


Now I Lay Me Down To Cheat

by CobaltStargazer



Series: Hiding In Plain Sight [5]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Cheating(?), Emotional Hurt, F/F, F/M, Fantasizing, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 20:33:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1563161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CobaltStargazer/pseuds/CobaltStargazer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex is unfaithful, but she isn't sure who she's being unfaithful to</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now I Lay Me Down To Cheat

**Author's Note:**

> I was listening to some CDs on shuffle, and this lyric by David Allan Coe struck me:
> 
>  
> 
> _Now I lay me down to cheat, on the woman I love so_
> 
>  
> 
> Hence, this.

She should have been relieved. Hell, she should have been _grateful_. Erin calling a halt to things before they went too far was good. It meant no one would be hurt.

So why did she feel so lousy?

Alex let herself into the house at nine-thirty. James' car was in the driveway, and he'd left the porch light on for her. She took off her jacket and dropped it carelessly on the couch. She was drained, and not just from the long day at work. She'd watched the blonde get into her car in the lot at work, knuckles white from her grip on the steering wheel. She'd forced herself to wave when she put her own vehicle into gear and departed. The other woman had beeped her horn in response.

The brunette stood in the living room, looking at the familiar furniture as if she'd never seen it before. She had to pull herself together. It was a crush, if it was anything at all, and that meant it would pass. Without encouragement, the feelings would certainly fade. It didn't matter what she felt anyway, not if Erin didn't feel it too.

She took the stairs to the upper floor, having kicked off her shoes. When she reached the top step, she heard the shower running. There was a mirror in the hall, and Alex looked at herself. Not surprisingly, she looked no different. A little drawn around the mouth, maybe, but it wasn't _that_ noticeable. The linguist took a deep breath, turned towards the bathroom.

"James?"

"C'mon in, hon."

She opened the door, and hoped to God that he'd think she looked normal. Steam billowed past. The shower curtain twitched, and her husband's head appeared. His hair was slicked back, his face pink from the heat of the water. Alex stepped inside, shut the door behind her. Her smile felt natural, but she couldn't vouch for how it looked. "You're home early."

"Yeah, I managed to get out on time for once," James answered, ducking back behind the plastic curtain. "I'm still on-call, but they said I could go, so I jumped at the chance to get out the door before they could change their mind."

"You're probably exhausted. Have you eaten?"

"I nuked some leftovers in the microwave. And I'm too wired to sleep, but I might lie down for a little while."

How could she sound so casual? As if she wasn't in turmoil? Maybe she was a better liar than she'd thought. Either that or she was a worse person than she'd imagined. Alex directed her gaze towards the bathroom mirror, but it was too steamed-up to see herself clearly. The water stopped running. The curtain pulled back, and James stepped into view. He smiled at her as he reached for a towel.

Later, she wouldn't be able to say what happened, but in the moment of it Alex loved her husband so much and was so unhappy and guilty and conflicted and turned on that her resolve broke. She closed the distance, put her arms around him awkwardly. He turned, distracted from his quest for a towel, embraced her in kind. Water began to soak into the brunette's clothes. She ignored it, pulled him in tighter.

"I want you tonight." Her voice was hoarse, her chin hooking over his bare shoulder. His hands flattened on the small of her back. He hadn't shaved in a day or two, and the stubble abraded her jaw when he kissed her there. He pulled back and looked at her eyes. They were half-closed, dark with need. "I love you." It was a plea. "I need you to touch me."

They fumbled their way into the bedroom, her discarding clothes as they went, him kissing and nipping, his hands wandering over her curves as she bared herself. She had her eyes locked on his face. As long as she looked at him, she'd remember who she was with.

Alex drew back the covers and slid under them while James put on a condom. They were in no position to make babies, not when he could be called overseas for months at a time and she traveled across the country on a regular basis. There would be time for children later. He was still wet when he joined her on the bed, nudging her legs apart. His unshaven jaw rubbed against her softer skin. Tomorrow, she would have beard rash.

Good. That way Erin would know she was moving on.

 _Erin_.

"I love you."

"I love you too, Alex."

James said it as he joined their bodies, and was it really cheating if it was only happening in your mind? Alex arched underneath him, her hands digging into his shoulders as they found an urgent, insistent rhythm. He was surprised by her passion. The sex had always been good, but she'd never clung to him this way before, been so demanding. Her thighs gripped his hips, and the sound of their stomachs slapping together competed with the noise of their breathing. 

"You're on _fire_ tonight."

"I need you. I love you. Oh, God, _please_...!"

In the dark, Alex made a high-pitched, keening noise, and in her mind's eye it was Erin above her, touching her, kissing her,plundering her body as if they'd been together for years. She loved her husband too, but she had begun to need the blonde in a way she couldn't articulate. And now it was too late anyway. Erin had said it was over, and that was the end of it.

"James James." At least she'd said the right name.

The brunette came hard, so hard that it almost hurt, and her husband's weight pinned her to the water-damp sheets as he soon followed suit. She wrapped one arm around the back of his neck, held on for dear life. She was winded and spent, and her vision was clear. Her abraded cheeks and neck burned pleasantly. He kissed her mouth, and she responded a half-second slower. One hand stroked his wet hair.

After they'd both recovered a bit, he slipped out of her, then went to the bathroom to dispose of the condom. She looked up at the ceiling in the dimness. Tomorrow she would go to work and be composed and professional. Distant. She loved her husband, and she would never hurt him. The danger had passed.

James padded out of the bathroom, and she'd turned onto her side when he re-joined her. He slung an arm over her, and she snuggled backwards so they could spoon. Now she would be able to sleep. Hopefully without dreams. James' warmth was familiar. Comforting. She loved him. She did.

 _Erin_.

She covered her lips with her hand, then stuffed her knuckles into her mouth. Behind her, Jame had fallen into a light doze, the long shift and the lovemaking combining to take their toll and put him to sleep. She should let him get his rest. He needed it.

In the dark, very quietly so that her husband wouldn't be able to hear her, Alex began to cry.


End file.
